Fat Free Vaginal Yogurt

It seems that unless I have the words, vagina or hand job, in my posts, people don’t seem to be as interested. Hmm.

That speaks to the world we live in, and to the company that I keep online, doesn’t it.

It was suggested to me by one of my Pilates clients that I write about a woman who made her own yogurt from her vaginal secretions. There, I said vaginal. Happy?

Cecelia Westbrook, an MD/PhD student at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, decided that there wasn’t enough information out there on how to make yogurt with vaginal bacteria, or about vaginal bacteria in general. Cecelia wanted to right that particular wrong.

Perhaps there’s a dearth of information for several reasons. 1. Who the f’ cares? 2. Who the hell wakes up one morning thinking about how to DIY yogurt with her lady juice? 3. We know plenty and there’s no good reason to dig any further. 4. Scientists are too busy curing cancer.

“Can I make a dairy product from my vaginal flora?”

Was this  burning question keeping Cecilia up at night? May I suggest that she read a book, or DVR The Voice, but for the love of all things Dannon, please keep the wooden spoon out of your hoo hoo hole and use it for stirring the pasta sauce, like one is supposed to.

Nobody paid her to perform this NASA-worthy experiment. It was her own curiosity that led her to ladle out her secretions. When I was a kid, my curiosity led me to the candy store to buy pop rocks and soda to see if I would explode, like Mikey did. Or did he.

On the other hand, if Cecilia’s experiment worked, she could save a lot of money, not having to buy yogurt. Have you seen the prices on that Fage lately. I guess that’s what dairy crack cost these days.

She spooned herself out into a bowl and the next morning, she ate herself. (pause for childish giggle) She said that she tasted, er, rather the yogurt, tasted sour like Indian yogurt. Ms. Cecelia just compared her vaginal yogurt to Indian yogurt and India took a hit.

I think the FDA and some other agency weighed in and concluded that vaginal secretions were not food and for Cecilia to read a book.

Cecelia should apply herself onto her face as a moisturizing mask, and/or a hair conditioner, like the rest of us do with semen.