Orgasms Are A Sexual Pu Pu Platter

Not since the great Silicone vs. Saline Breast Implant debate of 2008, have we been so preoccupied with the who, what and whys of our sexual responses and pleasure preferences.

May I present the highly charged, clitoral vs. vaginal orgasm debate.

WARNING: WARNING:WARNING: Not suitable for children under 18, my parents, my brother, or my Cousin Elizabeth.

Is one orgasm better than the other? Is one more prevalent than the other? What does it mean if a woman doesn’t orgasm vaginally, like everyone else on her block does? Can she be thrown out of the Neighborhood Watch?

Does one type of orgasm affect your partner’s pleasure? I’ll try to answer some of these burning questions, but as far as your partner is concerned, you’ll have to ask him—or her. I’ve got my own partner to deal with.

Sigmund Freud suggested that the clitoral orgasm was the predecessor, to what he considered the deeper and more satisfying, vaginal orgasm. What a crock of crap! He went on to say that the clitoral kind was immature. Immature? I know you are but what am I? There is nothing immature about my clit!

He also believed, as did others (which accounts for some of the messed up thinking out on the subject), that a married woman was supposed to naturally transfer the awesomeness that she felt from her clitoris, (and it is awesome) to her penile penetrated vagina, courtesy of her husband. There wasn’t any scientific proof of course, just the power of supposing and suggesting.

The male perspective continued with Alfred Kinsey, who supposedly found that women could not, and were not, having vaginal orgasms. Wait, Freud just said…

Later, the Masters and Johnson research team of Williams H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, studied sexual behavior through observing and measuring masturbation (wa) and sexual intercourse in the laboratory (I want that job). Their results showed no difference between Freud’s vagina orgasm and the immature clit orgasm.

Masters and Johnson found that the majority of their subjects could only achieve clitoral orgasm, while a small minority achieved vaginal orgasm. Women everywhere stood up and took back their clitoral orgasms. While I’m not advocating a march on Washington for O-R-G-A-S-M-I-C (sing this like Aretha’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T and say the I and C quickly), I am thankful for those that leveled the orgasmic playing field.

Pop-culture and the media haven’t helped women by putting in their two cents. They’ve lead some to feeling sexually dysfunctional, if they don’t perform like the women they see in the movies, who are often portrayed as needing penetration only to reach orgasm; no need for foreplay, stimulation, or even to disrobe. I’d like to have those women over for tea.

It’s hard to imagine that anyone today believes that women who don’t orgasm through intercourse alone, are sexually dysfunctional. The physiologic response between clitoral and vaginal are identical. Orgasms are orgasms are orgasms. Who cares how you’re stimulated, as long as you’re stimulated. Amen.

A brief anatomy lesson.

A total separation between the vagina and clitoris is mostly false. The clitoris consists of more than the clitoral glands and hood (external parts). Because the internal parts surround the vaginal opening, and canal (which has few sensory nerve endings) the internal parts of the clitoris are muy importante in the sensation department.

Orgasms come from the inside of our brains and central nervous systems and flare out, impacting certain parts of our bodies.  Therefore our sexual response is more than genitals and touching.

Asking your partner to dim the lights, close the door, or mute the show, Wipeout while you’re having sex, for example, can help one focus on the orgasm as a whole. External forces can affect the brain and therefore one’s genitals.

Let’s stop deconstructing our orgasms and pay attention to what’s really important; like why Zayn Malik is leaving the band, One Direction. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with orgasms.